I am so sleep deprived that I just wrote a thank you note, sealed it, and now I have no idea what it says. I am going to send it anyway and just hope for the best.

The good thing about being this tired is that it’s helping me to let Maddox sit on his own more. Usually, I like to just hold him as much as possible, which is great for cuddles but unfortunate when it comes to getting anything done.

Today, I put Mads in his swing, then into his Pack ‘n Play, I fed him, then put him back into the swing. I tried taping red cards to the side of the swing, with the hopes that they would entertain him for those extra couple of minutes needed before the motion of the swing lulls him to sleep. (Red is one of the colors babies like, because the high contrast makes it easier to see.)

I miss the cuddling, but there’s just too much to do today. He’s perfectly happy, so long as when he IS upset, I’m there. And, since I’m going to have to learn how to spend whole work days away from him, not holding him 24/7 is probably a good first step.

The next one is probably letting him sleep in his crib, in the nursery. My argument is that it’s illogical to place him farther away, because I’ll have to get up and go into another room to feed and change him, which is much more disruptive. Jon and Maddox both see through my clever ruse though – I just want Mads within snuggle distance.

For me, being a mom has been about training myself to relax. Relax about that coughing – you would cough too if you’d just inhaled 3 oz of milk. Relax about letting him sleep in his swing – it’s sturdy, and you don’t have to hold him all of the time. Relax about feeding him – there’s tons of milk, and he’ll eat formula, shirts, arms, pretty much anything you put in front of his mouth. And that diaper? Although it’s best to keep it fresh, a little poo will not cause lasting damage.

All in all, he is worth every moment of worry, and sleep deprivation is why New England has so freakin’ many Dunkin Donuts.